The Difference Between Self-Care and Self-Maintenance (And Why It Matters)
In today’s fast-paced world, we hear a lot about the importance of self-care. But somewhere along the way, the lines between self-care and self-maintenance got blurred. At Queens Like Me (QLM), we believe in teaching the difference—because understanding both is essential to living a life full of purpose, balance, and joy.
Let’s break it down.
What is Self-Maintenance?
Self-maintenance is about keeping up with the things that help you function. Think of it as the “basic upkeep” of your body and appearance—getting your hair done, brushing your teeth, making doctor’s appointments, and even grocery shopping. It’s not optional—it’s necessary.
These things may feel good in the moment, but they don’t always restore you on a deeper level. Getting your nails done might be relaxing, but if you leave the salon still feeling anxious, exhausted, or disconnected, you’ve maintained your outer world, not nurtured your inner one.
What is Self-Care?
Self-care is deeper. It’s intentional. It’s the act of checking in with yourself—emotionally, spiritually, mentally, physically—and giving yourself what you truly need. That might mean journaling, praying, setting boundaries, saying “no” without guilt, taking a nap, spending time in nature, or going to therapy.
Self-care is not always glamorous. It doesn’t always come with cute outfits or Instagrammable moments. Sometimes, it looks like logging off social media, cleaning your space, having a hard conversation, or choosing solitude when your soul needs peace.
Why the Difference Matters
When we confuse self-maintenance with self-care, we run the risk of looking like we’re okay while secretly falling apart. We pour energy into how we appear, while neglecting how we feel. And for Black and Brown women especially, who are often expected to “keep it together,” it becomes even more important to distinguish between the two.
Self-maintenance might keep your life running. But self-care keeps you running.
How to Find the Balance
At QLM, we believe in embracing both. You deserve to show up in the world feeling confident and polished and emotionally grounded and spiritually aligned. One doesn’t replace the other.
Here are a few tips to balance both:
Make time for your inner world. Before the beauty appointment, ask yourself: “How am I really doing?”
Don’t use maintenance as a band-aid. If you’re hurting inside, give yourself space to heal—whether that means rest, prayer, or support.
Create routines that nourish, not just polish. Light a candle, sip your tea slowly, talk to God, write in your journal—not because it’s trendy, but because your soul deserves softness.
You are more than your calendar, your edges, or your to-do list.
Self-care is the act of reminding yourself that you matter, even when no one else is watching.
At QLM, we’re here to help you care for all versions of yourself—inside and out. Because queens don’t just shine…they restore, renew, and rise.